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(Spoof) Brett Favre has Foot Amputated, Won't Rule Himself out of Game on Sunday

 

EDEN PRAIRIE, Minn. -- Brett Favre is not ruling himself out of Sunday's game, despite having just had his left foot amputated two inches above the ankle. 


"I've played through some pretty bad injuries before," the three-time MVP said. "Obviously, this is probably the worst injury I've suffered in my career, but if I can play, I'd like to play." 


Favre had his foot amputated earlier this week, despite only suffering stress fracture in the ankle as well as an "avulsion" fracture in the heel bone. Though doctors told him he didn't need surgery, and he said after consulting with his teammates and coaching staff, that "The foot had just become too big a distraction, so it would be best to just remove it all together."


Upon hearing this, an anonymous locker room source commented, "I wish he would have all his distracting appendages removed." 


Brad Childress, for his part, was keeping his cards close to his chest. "Brett and I have discussed the issue (with his amputated foot)," Childress said. "Obviously, the situation isn't ideal, but Brett's the sort of guy who's willing to sacrifice his body for the game, and I respect his feelings about that."


Childress also added, "And let's face it, our back up is Tavaris f****** Jackson. Somehow his 159 yards per game in 2007 doesn't fill me with hope. Frankly, I've got more faith in the reanimated corpse of Fran Tarkenton at this point."


When informed that Fran Tarkenton was still alive, Childress replied, "I know Fran Tarkenton is still alive. I'm saying that if they killed him, then reanimated his corpse in what I can only speculate would be some sort of voodoo ceremony, I'd rather have his undead body playing, than Tavaris Jackson doing so."


Another factor in this saga is Favre's record streak of starting 291 consecutive games. "I'm very proud of the streak," Favre said. "Whether it ends this week, or next week or in another 200 games, I'll will always be proud of it." 


He paused before adding, "That said, if I feel like I can play, I want to play. I still feel like I can help this team, at least by virtue of the fact that I am not Tavaris Jackson."


When asked if helping his team included making costly mistakes like has many times earlier in the year, Favre was quick to respond. "I felt like I really needed to score, so, you know, I just kinda tried to force it in there, and obviously it didn't work out so well, and now I risk being a laughingstock. Still, Jenn won't testify against me, and Roger said...Wait, was your question about football?"


One thing is for certain, even if he doesn't start this Sunday, this won't be the last time we hear from the "Ol' Gunslinger".


"Maybe I should just retire, I dunno. But still, I feel like my body can still do it, even if I only have one foot now. And I hear they've got football in Canada too, so I don't want to rule anything out."

 

*DISCLAIMER* This is a fake news story. All facts and quotes are (mostly) fabricated.

FanPosts are designed to be used to start a conversation on a specific topic, not unlike a front page story. They have a 75-word minimum: If you don't have much to say on a topic, consider using a FanShot.

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