Monday Night Journal - Jordy is the next Don Beebe

Here's the recap of my MNF-watching experience I wrote for an NFC North blog. I figured out that Jared Allen is the lovechild of Dog the Bounty Hunter and George W. Bush; LeRoy Butler should give Matt Flynn a Lambeau Leap tutorial; and Jordy Nelson is the next Don Beebe.

I've copied the text below, but read the original with my crappy Photoshop job at:

These are the feelings I felt on Monday night:

Pregame: So a guy gives blood to make money to buy Packer tickets, which inadvertently saves his life. I think that says something about our dysfunctional healthcare system and our skewed national values, but I'm not sure what.

1st Quarter:
  • Pack might have gotten away with a defensive hold on that first Vikings series.  Oh well.
  • Good lord, that punt return looked easy. I think more Vikings players were blocked by their own teammates than by Green Bay.  I'm feeling alright about this game.
  • Matthews and Allen both get early sacks.  Jaws says that Allen "almost invented the word sack." What?
  • Driver sighting!  Great catch.  Jaws says "that's trust."  What?
  • Vikings getting some pressure on Rodgers - they need to keep this up the entire game to have a chance. 
  • Sweet play action to set up Jennings with the easy touchdown.  Alex asks me why you would ever respect the Packers play action. Good question.
  • Huge play to Shiancoe, but Harvin pushes Tramon Williams on deep shot a couple plays later. Great coverage by Tramon. Tramon-dous coverage! Right? Right?
  • Beastly play by Woodson to wrestle the ball from Shiancoe - was it an interception??? Nope, hit the ground.  Go Blue regardless.
  • Vikings false start on a field goal attempt. That's unfortunate. Longer kick falls just short. Gruden is disgusted.  As usual.
  • My mood after 1st Quarter: Pleasantly optimistic.

Second Quarter:
  • Tirico says that Lambeau has "one of the great atriums to walk into." A bold statement, but has he even been to the Department of Conservation Headquarters in Wellington, New Zealand?
  • Going for it on fourth and 5 with a 14 point lead?  Hell yeah. Great catch by Finley.  Packers out to hurt some feelings.
  • God, Allen again?  This dude is everywhere. He's great - too bad he's the love child of Dog the Bounty Hunter and George W. Bush.
  • Just a field goal. Will Gruden finally find any fault with Rodgers now?  Of course not.
  • Nice run by Ponder for the first. Joe Webb must have taught him a thing or two.
  • Wacky wacky!  Flea flicker leads to underthrown pass - Tramon will gladly take that interception.  Tramon-dous!!! Huh? Come on, that's got to catch on.
  • Vikes move it down the field a bit, then get stuck with a 3rd and 21. D'oh!
  • Rodgers narrowly evades a safety, and then the Packers finally get a decent run to pick up the first and put some distance between them and their own end zone. This isn't going well for Minnesota, is it?
  • Winfield gets the sack on his first game back, but it's really set up by Allen. Without that dude, this could be a blowout already.
  • My mood after the 2nd quarter: Still feeling fine, but concerned about the pressure on Rodgers.  
HALFTIME: Bob Knight looks cold, angry, and uncomfortable. Switching to the NBC Bob Costas interview with Sandusky... "Horsing around?'  Who is his lawyer/PR person/clergyman? Poor choice of words. Too disturbing... Oh, there's his lawyer - hey kids, you still want to grow up to be defense attorneys?!? Costas is gunning for the confession and repeatedly asking what amounts to: "Are you monstrous rapist pedophile? No? Really? Are you sure?" My mood after halftime: Confused and vulnerable.
3rd Quarter:
  • Longwell slips on the kickoff. D'oh!
  • Alex points out that the referee sounds like Robin Williams. He is right.
  • 4th and 3? Yeah, we'll go for it, sure. Jordy Nelson is the next Don Beebe.
  • Touchdown. JORDY NELSON IS THE NEXT DON BEEBE. Cedric Griffen didn't quite tackle him there.
  • Cobb muffs the punt return for the first Packers turnover. You win some, you lose some. Gruden is annoyed and offended. 
  • And AP gets the touchdown. Raji got pushed around. Gruden suspects that he may be missing a Y chromosome.
  • Cobb almost redeems himself on the kickoff return. Are the Vikes' special teams always this awful?
  • Starks and Grant set up KUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHN with the TD reception. Is this ten yarder Kuhn's longest career reception? I would honestly not be surprised. His trademark is the one yard play.
  • Clay Matthews is back. Maybe it's bad blocking, but he looks 100% tonight - reminds me of last season.
  • Ponder gets sandwiched by Bishop and Tramon. That's a Tramon-dous half a sack!
  • Woodson alllllmost gets the pick. Drats. Go Blue.
  • My mood after the 3rd quarter: Confident, relaxed.
4th Quarter:
  • Good lord. Rodgers to Jordy. That's it. Jordy Nelson is the next Don Beebe. Nothing more to say. Matt Flynn, where are you?
  • There you are! 
  • Matt Flynn Lambeau Leap!  I'll give it a 5.2. Needs some practice.
  • Final mood: Who's next?
The Vikings were on the verge of competing with the Packers for most of the first half, but they had no offense to speak of and their shoddy secondary was no match for that dude that Gruden hyped relentlessly throughout the game.

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