Despite the NFL’s strenuous efforts to drain the game of personality, some teams retain distinctive brand identities. Like the world’s most valuable commercial brands (Apple, IBM, Coca-Cola, McDonald’s), these translate into recognition, loyal followers—and merchandise sales. It can be interesting (and instructive) to sum up the “brand proposition” of teams in a tagline. For example, the Packers might be “Small-Town Midwest Success”. The Cowboys might be “Arrogant Larger-Than-Life Winners”. The Giants might be “Dominant But Understated Big-City Megalith.” The Cardinals and Lions, on the other hand, have essentially negative brand equity outside their immediate metro areas: “Decades of Dysfunction.”

The challenge: come up with taglines for NFC franchises which once had an enduring and distinctive brand personality but appear to have lost it (Bears, Vikings, Redskins),or others whose temporary bursts of personality came and departed with particular coaches, but otherwise appear not to have one (Falcons, Saints, Bucs, Seahawks, Panthers). Not to forget the 49ers, Rams and Eagles, who are somewhere in between.

No prizes or cameo appearances on Mad Men; psychic income only.