FOXBORO, MA -- After months of speculation on the future of his NFL career, Tim Tebow is on an NFL roster, signing Monday with the New England Patriots. "I couldn't be more blessed to have this opportunity", said Tebow at a press conference following the signing. "I can't wait to get out there and start throwing some wobbly, inaccurate balls."
Others in the area shared his enthusiasm. Steve, 42, speculated on the possibilities of two games against the Jets. "Man, I can't wait to see Tim get his revenge. That look he gives them on the sidelines, while Brady dismantles them is gonna be priceless." Others were more cautious with their optimism. Sal, 47, "He kinda fackin sucks, but at least it's not anothah one of them dahkies."
Nobody was more excited about the Tebow signing than ESPN, a subsidiary of Tebow's national fan club. "We didn't have anything to talk about that day" said one ESPN employee who declined to be identified. "I mean, we talked a little about the NBA Finals, but we're waiting for Lebron to lose before we really cover that. Then the Sox and Yankees were both off. What were we gonna cover? Hockey?" Luckily, like another important figure in Christianity, Tebow's career rose from the grave. We tried contacting Skip Bayless, Tebow's biggest supporter, but all we heard on the phone were muffled groans and a faint vibrating sound.
Over at Jets camp, it was business as usual as Rex Ryan sat at the practice field preparing a large pig to be eaten later that day and Mark Sanchez had just thrown his fifth interception of the day. "I'm really happy for him", said Sanchez after being benched for his seventh interception. "He's a good guy and I look forward to sharing glances at one another from our respective sidelines.