FanPost

Jamarcus Russell told to gain back fifty pounds.


CHICAGO, IL -- Jamarcus Russell's attempt at an NFL comeback has hit another road bump. After trying out this past week for the Chicago Bears, Russell was not given an NFL contract. Instead, Russell was told by Chicago that it might be better for him to add back on the weight he lost in order to play for a position on the offensive line.

"It was shocking to me.", said Russel, 27, "I've never even played that position." New Bears GM Phil Emery had this to say, "We really appreciate the work Jamarcus is doing. It's just that we already have a QB who has proven to be entirely apathetic at his position. I know Jamarcus is trying to improve, but I just can't shake the image of him in Oakland glumly eating a sandwich after throwing his third interception." While Emery didn't see him as a potential QB, he saw further potential elsewhere. "I know he's never actually played on the line before, but he was over 300 lbs and I'm thinking to myself, he can't possible be worse than Jamarcus Webb, right?"

While Russell wasn't excited about the idea of giving up his chance at becoming a QB again, he was pretty ecstatic at the idea of going on a Willy Wonka-esque spree through a candy shop that the Bears were paying the bill on. "Might as well get something out of this, right?" said Russell, mouth half full of Kit Kats.

We we tried to reach current Bears QB Jay Cutler for comment, but new wife Kristin Kavillari told us he was busy sitting on his cat tree batting at a ball of yarn.

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