JACKSONVILLE -- In what is likely his last chance at starting at QB in the NFL, Blaine Gabbert is taking a different offseason approach than one might think. Arriving to camp an hour late with a dangerous new look and an anti-authoritative attitude, Gabbert hasn't made a great impression on the people he'll need to win over. "He came in with his hair gelled back, a leather jacket, straight leg jeans, sunglasses, and he picked up smoking." says new Head Coach Gus Bradley. "I asked him why he was an hour late and he told me to "Sit on it, gramps". I'm only 46 years old."
"We were trying to get him to join the offensive drills, but he was busy playing marbles in front of a convenience store with a couple of shady characters." says Jedd Fish, the Jaguars new Offensive Coordinator. "Once we finally got him in, he threw a quick interception, shrugged his shoulders, called me a "pig", and said something about the Sharks." Yes, it seems that a once promising NFL QB has decided, like many before him, to coast into his role as a middling backup that bounces around between teams.
"I don't care about this NFL game no more.", said Gabbert, while obnoxiously chewing gum every other word. "You see here, I have a new job. Loitering and hassling shop keeps with my crew." When asked if there was anything he regretted about his brief NFL career, Gabbert did admit it would've been nice to be drafted before the NFL's rookie pay scale kicked in. "I dunno, I guess you see guys like Vince Young and Matt Leinhart. Guys who flamed out quick, but had all of that guaranteed money for being top picks. Would've been nice, you know. I've already spent most of my money in loitering tickets, milkshakes, and a pair of Buddy Holly worn glasses. I don't even know who he is!"