Shopping with the Enemy - Los Angeles Rams edition

Every NFL team has a pro shop. Every pro shop has ridiculous items that make literally no sense. These are their stories.

One of my favorite things about teams that relocate frequently is that they don’t always manage to clear out everything. If you happen to live in St. Louis, the awful, awful pizza and sub-standard baseball team have left you pining for the days of the Rams, and you happen to have a dog, you’re in luck!

Make sure fluffy stays warm in the cold Missouri winter while your heart remains cold over football teams constantly abandoning you and your arch-loving, Provel-consuming, right-way-game-playing brethren.

The Rams’ pro shop is really something. There are plenty of products that all of the various teams share in common, and all of them have uniform variations designed to support our troops. Take this children’s Todd Gurley camo jersey, appropriate for your local pickup game or desert combat. The only problem is that when they wear these, no one can see any of the players. Ratings plummet, etc.

Anyway, not every pro shop has this dandy, apparently designed to appeal to all the football-loving, hyper-militaristic knitters and professors out there.

Yes, this Camo Cardi is the perfect outfit for like, one guy sitting alone at a spinning wheel in a mostly abandoned barn a few miles down from an abandoned Sonoma winery.

That’s enough cold weather though. You live in Los Angeles California, and when are you going to bust out a cardigan, really? You need this $150 Tommy Bahama number.

Nothing says “I was alive in the 80s and have considered joining a Jimmy Buffet cover band, and also I’m a Rams fan” more than this shirt. But why let your dreams of playing with Donald Rum’s-Felt and the Pina Colliders fade into oblivion, when you can outfit the entire band with these?

Let’s say you want to dress like an extra in Back to the Future 2, and have an extra $300 laying around. You couldn’t possibly ask for more than this, which won’t blow dry your pits, but will wick like there’s no tomorrow.

Also, if you need a pole

Or a chrome pole

They’ve got you covered.

Packer Item of the Week

This item is called a “hands high” sideline sweater. Kudos to this particular model for drawing inspiration from the name. Let’s hope they never make a sweater called “bird flipper” or “wave participant”.