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NFL Rulebook Special: Tackling a Quarterback, featuring Packers LB Clay Matthews

We’ve obtained the NFL’s training video, featuring Green Bay’s favorite linebacker. It’s...not what we thought.

DATELINE, September 17th. The league is in turmoil as quarterbacks are being targeted by careless defenders at an unprecedented rate! The league is seeing star after star after star (and also Cam Newton) miss time!

Hullabaloos and donnybrooks are the order of the day as the league office struggles with exactly how to deal with improper and dangerous tackling!

They decide to produce a video on proper tackling technique. We here at Ye Olde Acme Packing Company and Shortening-Based Intestinal Liniment Elixir have obtained an exclusive copy of this featurette. Unfortunately we were not able to obtain the accompanying piano roll or sheet music. However, we recommend placing the latest Scott Joplin rag on the phonographic player, if you have managed to escape Hoover’s wrath, and take it all in:

It’s true! Just look at this hit from the Jaguars-Patriots game!

Now back to reality, where that hit from Sunday’s Packers-Vikings game was actually put in a video describing how not to hit a quarterback. According to the win percentage calculator at Pro Football Reference, had the hit not been flagged and Jaire Alexander’s interception stood, the Packers would have been 99.89% likely to win the game. The completely incompetent roughing call on Matthews and subsequent defense of the call by the league after the game is one of the embarrassing moments in recent league history.