Packers Rivalry Rankings: Where do all 31 teams register on fans’ hate-o-meter?

During Rivalry Week we have had plenty of discussions about just what makes a rival. The Green Bay Packers have accumulated quite the rogue’s gallery over its history, and there are no shortage of contenders. As such, five APC writers decided to rank them. All of them. From Arizona to Washington, almost every other NFL team has something that gets our collective goat and helps to make for an interesting game.

Except for Jacksonville. You’re boring, Jacksonville. Do better.

Here are our rivalry picks in reverse order.

“No One Cares”

31. Jacksonville Jaguars

You’re welcome for Mark Brunell. And…that’s it.

30. Tennessee Titans

The Matt LaFleur revenge game isn’t worth much at this point.

29. Houston Texans

They have hometown boy JJ Watt, and once learned the perils of mocking the belt.

28. Cincinnati Bengals

Remember when you lost to the Vikings on the last day of the 1989 season and knocked the Packers out of the playoffs? We do. Also, Vontez Burfict.

27. Los Angeles Chargers

Outside of recently defeating Green Bay in week 9 of last season, there’s just not a ton of history here. Comments on internal votes included “Who cares” and an emoji shrug.

26. Cleveland Browns

We hope you’ve enjoyed our front office.

25. Miami Dolphins

Our biggest rivals in wasting a Hall-of-Fame quarterback’s prime.

We have a few gripes

24. Buffalo Bills

Oh, so you think you’re so cool with your northerly small-town outdoor stadium. Real original. Raise your hand if you got Don Beebe a ring.

23. Baltimore Ravens

Like the Browns, but actually good.

22. New York Jets

You think you can steal Brett Favre and get away with it? Remember that time Chad Pennington beat the Packers? Super annoying.

21. Oakland Raiders

Our divorcee with whom we share custody of Charles Woodson. This rivalry does feature Brett’s greatest game, so there’s that. And Super Bowl 2!

20. Washington Hogs

The team with the racist name once played the Packers in the highest scoring game in Monday Night history. Most importantly, they stole Vince!

19. Indianapolis Colts

“No team has had three better quarterbacks than us, no sir. Not a one. Also, threw a Super Bowl to the Jets, blowing our perfect NFC records.

Annoying

18. New England Patriots

Defeated them in a Super Bowl but should have had a few more shots. You know how Spider-Man has his Rogue’s Gallery of Mysterio, Lizard, and Green Goblin that are exclusive to him, but when Thanos shows up he’ll join in that fight? The Pats are Thanos. Screw Thanos.

17. New Orleans Saints

Drew Brees is in the conversation with Aaron. That conversation: Name quarterbacks who are worse than Aaron.

16. Los Angeles Rams

Once played in St. Louis, which is evil. Credit for leaving. Blame for leaving for LA. They once picked off Brett Favre 6 times in a playoff game, and shut the Favre window hard.

15. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Chad Clifton would like a word. The division was too tough for them, so they left.

Why are you like this?

14. Carolina Panthers

“You been watching film, huh. That’s cool, watch this.

The Panthers were opponents in the 1996 NFC Championship Game, and they seem to pop up as obstacles with some frequency. They were the opponent in the famous “We need more points!” week 17 game, they stole Reggie White, we stole Julius Peppers. It’s all good.

13. Kansas City Chiefs

Our Super Bowl One opponent! The original rivalry of the modern era. The modern version has been an occasional thorn as well, plus they’re coached by Andy Reid.

12. Pittsburgh Steelers

The team of the 70s to Green Bay’s team of the 60s, they met in the 2010 Super Bowl and seemingly play meaningful games on a regular basis including a walk-off touchdown pass from Roethlisberger to Mike Wallace in a 37-36 barnburner in 2009, and the Yancey Thigpen drop.

11. Arizona Cardinals

They fly under the radar a bit as a rival, but they’ve knocked Aaron Rodgers out of the playoffs on two separate occasions, and Cardinal Eddie Joe Nunn basically wrecked Don Majkowski.

10. Atlanta Falcons

Tramon Williams giveth, Ladarius Gunter taketh away. Also that first playoff loss at Lambeau still stings.

Kinda hate you

9. Denver Broncos

Handed Green Bay their first Super Bowl defeat, cementing the unwarranted legacy of John Elway and establishing a precedent of getting run over in huge playoff games. In conclusion, John Elway sucks.

8. Philadelphia Eagles

Most recently seen sending Jamaal Williams to the hospital, no Packer fan will ever forget “4th and 26.”

7. Detroit Lions

Look, you’re not really a rival, but you’re in the division so you get grandfathered in. To put it in terms you can understand, If we’re Michigan, the Bears are Ohio State, Minnesota is Notre Dame, and you’re Michigan State. Nobody cares about you no matter how loud you yell or couches you set on fire. Of course, if you’re Michigan State you probably don’t understand this analogy. And we should probably be Ohio State.

6. New York Giants

Oh, so you get hot on defense twice and all of a sudden Eli is in the Hall of Fame and we don’t get to see multiple Brady/Rodgers Super Bowls. Plus Brett have Strahan that garbage record. No wonder no one likes New Yorkers.

5. San Francisco 49ers

Remember when Colin Kaepernick ran for a billion yards and Dom Capers never planned for, or figured out how to stop him? Me neither. Also, Jerry Rice fumbled.

Hate you. Get bent.

4. Dallas Cowboys

The constant foil of Brett Favre, the Cowboys are a generally obnoxious team from an annoying state run by an almost stereotypical Texas billionaire. Their old stadium had a stupid crown that threw off Favre, and we never got proper revenge.

Oh wait.

The Post-Crescent-USA TODAY Sports

Also, Dez dropped it.

3. Seattle Seahawks

They are coached by an old-fashioned idiot and stole Russell Wilson who turned into a nanobubble-pushing weirdo. They win in spite of themselves and dealt the Packers their most devastating loss ever, plus the Fail Mary.

2. Minnesota Vikings

While they did not manage to claim the top spot, they have certainly been the most dangerous of the division rivals, they have that stupid horn, they pump in crowd noise, and their fans are just insufferable, as only Minnesotans can be.

1. Chicago Bears

There’s no big surprise here as the oldest rivalry in football was a near-unanimous choice among our voters. It’s not always the most balanced rivalry, but it captures the antagonism between the two represented regions perfectly. We broke their McMahon and then stole him, so they broke our Rodgers. They stole Edgar Bennett, we stole Raymont Harris. They stole Ha Ha Clinton-Dix, we stole Adrian Amos. They stole Jimmy Graham, we stole Julius Peppers.

Oh also, they’re stupid.

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Here are our complete rivalry rankings, with each team’s average rank provided.