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Shopping With the Enemy - An important Packers Pro Shop check-in

Cheetah-print and Rocks highlight the Spring Collection.

NFC Championship - Green Bay Packers v San Francisco 49ers Photo by Sean M. Haffey/Getty Images

Occasionally people send me pictures of absurd items in order to prompt me to write a Shopping with the Enemy column. Sometimes it’s just a one-off, as was the case when they introduced the Rodgers Carved Stumpy Eekeez so many months ago (now on clearance!)

It’s horrifying, ill-considered, and can be yours for 12 buckaroos, but when they added it, the shop was in pretty good shape. That is no longer the case, as the Pro Shop is filled with treasures. A tip of the cap to @PackerRanter who alerted the world to the existence of this bad boy.

Obviously part of the team’s “West Allis” collection, this cheetah print shirt originally sold for $70, but has been wisely marked down to 50, where it should move like hot cakes.

That’s an amazing find, but I want to move past it quickly to get to this Packer snuggie/slanket. You may remember the brief “blanket you can wear” trend from what, 15 years ago? It’s a product that only ever existed to be ridiculed, and it’s incredible to see such a product listed earnestly and not on clearance, but that’s not the best part.

The best part is that two star review and comment:

Which reads:

“Came as a gift. Picture is very misleading. Loots like it either is a pull over or closes up some how. No closures on front and not quite sure what do do with the extra material above the arms. I am 5’ 7” 140 and while it wraps around me, there is not alot of extra material and no way to keep it shut. I got the adult size.”

So, unlike a traditional snuggie which is sort of a poncho, is this is designed more like a hospital gown with the rear exposed (which could be a plus or a minus depending on how you’ve planned your evening)? Did the reviewer put it on backwards? Since I’m not buying one to find out, the world may never know.

I appreciate the consideration the customer has takent in providing a 2-star review, and not going all the way to the 1-star. I mean, it’s still a blanket, right? But that’s not the end of our story, because the Pro Shop responded to this comment!

“Packers Pro Shop response: Thank you for your review. The Adult Plush Comfy Throw Blanket is not meant to be an apparel piece, more of a lounge piece to be used as a functional blanket for sipping, eating, and turning up the volume when the Packers game is on. We are sorry to hear you were not satisfied with your gift. Please call our fan representatives at 1-800-992-5750 if you would like to exchange your gift for another item.”

“Sipping, eating, and turning up the volume” is a great functional description of how a blanket works, and I’m back on board for 5 stars at this point. I also appreciate this Packer merchandise vendor developing a slanket that buyers find too embarrassing to wear outside. Kudos to you for threading that needle.

Everyone loves traditional uniforms altered to include camouflage right?

Perfect for sneaking up on quarterbacks in the woods. You might not think you could ever improve on the traditional packer helmet, but what if you think the G is too small? What do you do then?

Not to worry:

We’re only a few years away from the entire helmet as one big G, and I just can’t wait.

Occasionally, the team has offered politically incorrect totem polls for use in your garden, and I’m pleased to say that they’ve moved on from that. In it’s place, you can now purchase this “garden statue” in the traditional Packer blue and yellow, which guaranteed to have your out of town relatives talking about you on their drive back to the airport.

It features a cheese hat, a brat, a cow, bowling, and a map of Wisconsin with Milwaukee highlighted. Who could ask for anything more?

Do you have kids? Do they like legos? Well they are sure to not be horribly disappointed by this Brxlz Packer shoe, Brxlz, of course, being almost as good as Lego and also a Superman villain who can be defeated only by tricking him into saying his name backwards.

And if they don’t like the knockoff Lego shoes, there are always these real shoes, which light up so that bullies will be able to locate your kid at night.

You’ll need to power those bully-attractors, and fortunately the Packers have you covered there as well with these branded batteries.

Do they last as long as your average Energizer or Duracell? Probably not! Will you ever see them again once you put them in a battery powered item? Absolutely not! Will you sleep better knowing you are using Packer branded batteries? Definitely.

And finally, for you owners out there, what better accoutrement could there be to your $250 piece of paper than this $30 rock?

All you need are some scissors to complete the set.

Until next time remember, there is no worse way to support your team!